I wish I was fifteen again so I could do more stuff that I would regret now.
I’m at the Greek diner
The one on the corner and Willie Nelson walks in and I’m totally freaking out. IT IS REALLY WILLIE NELSON. He orders a gyro and the guy makes it and Willie Nelson takes a bite — I’m like tweeting this the whole time: WILLIE NELSON JUST CAME INTO THE RESTAURANT I WAS EATING IN #willienelson — even though I’m getting gyro grease on my phone it is worth it, so crazy WE ARE BOTH EATING GYROS! and Willie Nelson turns to the proprietor and says, “Say, what’s in this, anyway?” He is pretty short, actually. So he has to like climb up on a stool to be seen? And the guy behind the counter says, “Lamb, mostly?” and then Willie Nelson turns to his entourage which is weird but I don’t know what else you would call them, these outlaw looking guys that he came in with, but he turns to them but really you know he is addressing everyone in the diner and it gets totally quiet and Willie Nelson says, “Well…” and then he just lets it hang there like a PERMANENT ELLIPSIS and I am swearing to God right now if he doesn’t follow this up with, “My gyros have always been cow, boys,” I WILL TOTALLY LOSE MY SHIT Actually I will totally lose it anyway, but OK he’s about to speak. This is too long for Twitter so I’m putting it here this is it you guys he’s about to talk you guys this is it
my favorite things
according to a search of my twitter archive, here are a few of my favorite things:
being drunk by 6:30
telling a coworker that she looks like ann romney
how the trolleys dont work in the rain
going over my data plan the day before the month rolls over
when im stomping around real fast trying to get somewhere and it reverberates through my thighs
Hearts in my eyes.
Your ex-husband, the rapper Nas, put your wedding dress on his album cover. Why did he still have the dress?It’s not even the dress. The joke behind that is that it’s the slip to the petticoat to my dress. I think when I moved out I just left it. That’s all he had, poor thing.